Hopeless
I have an intensely adversarial relationship with plastic wrap. Not sure how or why it chose me as an enemy, but it’s been clear from day one that plastic wrap and I were meant to be locked in an eternal struggle. I wouldn’t mind it so much if it weren’t so passive aggressive. I take it out of the roll, nice and slow, but the corner still folds over and sticks to itself; now I can’t get it over my bowl of ravioli. Don’t try peeling it back, either. There’s a formula thats for every one corner of a piece of plastic wrap peeled back, two corners fold over to take its place. If I somehow do manage to cleanly cover my container of choice, I’m faced with the real challenge: cutting.
Cutting the plastic wrap never works. Never. My original strategy always used to be cutting an appropriately-sized piece then placing it over the container. That always descended into a maddening game of peel-back-the-corner, most often resulting in a angrily rolled-up ball of plastic wrap and a renewed attempt at the whole endeavor. Now I try to hold the stuff over the target, and then cut it. Nine times out of ten, it doesn’t cut. It just stretches, and I pull harder until it’s almost a piece of string, but I keep pulling until it tears. Doesn’t it realize that I’m a human? Top of the food chain, a little lower than the angels, the boss? I will win, you pathetic piece of synthetic material.
And eventually I always do, no thanks to the completely worthless piece of serrated metal that’s supposed to assist me. It can’t seem to figure out how to do its own job. I close the box and pull quickly. Doesn’t cut. I pinch down on the forward edge and pull back quickly - it still won’t cut, and the tension has now bent the corner of the metal back, rendering it even more useless. I don’t see any humor in the situation; I’d prefer to just live without plastic wrap entirely. But I’m out of tupperware and this ravioli needs preservation. Oh well; as much as I prefer skill and finesse in my life, I suppose some brute force once in a while never hurt anybody.
